Bespoke

I don't like it when people regurgitate words and phrases that they've heard a lot. I hate it when journalists and writers do it. And I absolutely despise it when I do it myself.

This list is a kind of therapy to help me manage the feelings of rage that I experience whenever I hear or read these words and phrases.

1. Bespoke,

unless used in relation to the manufacture of clothing.

2. Journey,

as used to describe illness or any other activity that does not concern movement from one physical location to another. I know some people with very serious illnesses find this metaphor quite comforting, so to those people I offer a dispensation. To everyone else, stop it, stop it, stop it!!! Seriously, I'm not sure what will happen the next time I hear someone use this word.

3. Way of eating,

used in place of diet. If you really believe that your chances of success with your 'way of eating' could be affected by something as small as the use of the word 'diet', then give up now and go back to eating chocolate, because honey you ain't gonna make it. Using chopsticks is a way of eating, as is using a knife and fork, or your fingers, or blending it up into a soup (or no, maybe that's a way of drinking). What you eat is a diet, regardless of whether you are trying to lose weight or not. Deal with it!

4. LOL and all LOL variants:

No one sincerely believes that the author of a LOL is actually laughing out loud. Actual laughter usually earns a ROFL or some such, in which case the reaction is in all likelihood a mild chuckle sans any contact with the floor. LOL really means 'I acknowledge that you have attempted humour'. We all know the truth, so let's drop the pretense.

5. Reach out to....

As in "I'm going to reach out to Beryl and ask her if she would like to come to tea on Sunday". Call her, email her, IM her, text her, write her a letter on pink scented paper and have it delivered by carrier pigeon to her door, but I beg you please don't "reach out to" her unless she is drowning or needs to be talked back in from a ledge.

6. That's so cliche,

has now itself become 'so cliche'. In addition, whenever I hear it, I have an irrational urge to add a 'd' to the end. It's annoying.

That is all for today. I will add more as they occur to me.